Ok, people. I MUST get this off my chest! So, please bare with me. Sit back, and just read. You ready? Ok.
As a motivational speaker, author, writer, actress (and the list goes on and on, but I digress), to sum it up, I give advice. My book series, "Miss Thang!" is a non-fictional inspirational Christian series dedicated to women...all colors, all ages, and walks of life. (Misss Thang! Destiny Fulfilled: A Testimonial Guide to Divine Purpose and Greatness available NOW on all online retailers...by the way). Things that I've learned throughout my life for myself, and things that God allowed me NOT to deal with, but witness. But one of the things I hear a lot that just grinds my ears are why single women give advice to women who are in relationships. Single gals receive so much slack!!! WHY DO PEOPLE THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY HAPPY, AND THE SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR CIRCLE IS BY DEFAULT ANGRY, BITTER, AND JEALOUS?! Let's explore this topic further.
Now that I am established in my career, (though not at the level I want to be, but I digress...again), I will take this time to break it down to anyone to feels this way.
FIRST OF ALL, just because a woman is single, does NOT, I repeat, does NOT mean she doesn't know about relationships! Just because she's not in one AT THIS MOMENT, does not necessarily mean her advice is naive or wrong or unjustified. If said single woman has eva, eva eva eva eva eva eva been in a relationship, then she has some type of idea about it. Maybe said single woman does not want a relationship, just got out of one, waiting on God, or any reason you can insert here, does not make her advice any less valuable than the chick next to you whose in a relationship. It's all about the individual! There's some happy single people, and there's some genuinely happy committed/married women. The key to getting advice from someone is to evaluate their level of happiness, regardless of relationship status. Your best friend whose in a relationship, but miserable as all hell can be giving you bad advice because SHE's unhappy. But she's in a relationship, though. Just because your in a relationship doesn't make your advice the end all be all of advice when it comes to a single persons. A lot of married people are miserable! And if this fact was not true, why is the divorce rate so high? Your miserable MARRIED girlfriend can give you bad advice too, because SHE'S miserable!
SECOND OF ALL, married women willingly tell us your business and ask for our advice. People on the outside can most definitely see better then people in the inside, and can give a better perspective of the situation...objectively. But if people in relationships don't want unmerited advice from your single friends...stop asking them! Stop telling them your business. People in healthy relationships keep their mouth closed...have you noticed that? It's only the drama filled ones that need advice all the time.
THIRD OF ALL, married women shouldn't give single women advice! If you been married for the last 10 years...what you know about the dating scene? You been out the game for a minute now! I hear so often from bloggers and the people who like to comment of entertainment blogs about Halle Berry, her short lived relationships that always end in divorce or breakup. My question is...Do you ever think Halle actually has...standards? Did you ever think that Halle just don't put up with the SAME stuff you decide to? Think about that one. Single does not mean lonely, and relationship doesn't automatically equal happiness.
People, I get my advice from the Word. The Word of God...it's the ultimate self help book. Any question you need you can find in the Word. Aside from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I get my advice from my mommy. A woman who I know loves me unconditionally, never has any ill motives for me, ALWAYS has my best interest at heart, and has my back even when I'm wrong. Married over 30 years...she knows a little somethin something bout life.
I'm tired of the single girl catching all the slack. Single girls are DOING IT! Having standards, waiting on the will of God, doing things His way does pay off. Maybe married women can take a note or two from a single sista.
So the next time you ask someone for advice, take note of how they are in that area. It's all about the individual.
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